Motivating our Children to do Good

 

Motivating Our Children

 

            This is a blog for all you parents out there that would like to take a deeper look into motivating children and how we can be more effective at it. Right now, I have three children. Each of them handles instructions completely differently, even though two of them are three and are twins. Carter, my older son, is mostly motivated when he feels there is some kind of reward involved. The reward could be something as simple as an object I promised him or maybe have a punishment lifted early. He isn’t exactly self-motivated to follow instructions because he is only eight years old. Paige tends to listen when there is some kind of snack involved, or if you promise to spend time with her and Elaina just wants to be shown love through things such as hugs or snuggles. Every child is unique and should be motivated to their own personal needs, however there is one key factor to all forms of motivation, which will sound cheesy. The number one factor to motivating a child is to love them. According to Exploring YourMind, “Love, as a source of motivation and energy, transforms us into a better version of ourselves.” If you think about your younger years, when are the times that you felt the most inspired and motivated by your parents to do what they ask? Was it when they screamed it at you? Was it when they forced you to do something? For me, I was most willing to obey and follow my parents counsel when I felt their genuine love for me. Every child requires this minimum factor in order to be motivated by a parent.

       One quote from my reading in class this semester really made a lot of sense to me. It said, “When someone tells us what to do and demands compliance, it often results in rebellion to gain control, Children are not an exemption to this experience.” It goes on to say that when we see our children’s reactions to those demands, the reaction will most likely depend on the relationship between the child and the parent. There are so many times I have gotten very frustrated with my daughter Paige because the harder I press her to do something, the stronger her response comes out, “No.” On the flip side to that, Paige is a much better and motivated listener when I treat her with love and respect. Instead of feeling that I am taking away her choice, she chooses my way more often when I express an abundance of love. It isn’t always 100% of the time that my children choose to follow my words when I lead with love, but it is tremendously higher than the alternative of me trying to force a child to do what I want.

         Something that I felt was quite hilarious to think about really is a question that was posed in our class this semester regarding bribes. The question was “Although we understand that bribes only “buy temporary compliance,” why are parents so quick to use them if they don’t truly work in the long run?” My initial thought to this was that because it works of course... When my kids are crying for 30 minutes straight at a time and I need it to end, a bribe quickly motivates the behavior to change. This is obviously not the best way to look at it, because it gives the child a sense that they are going to be rewarded for poor behavior. Dr. Steven Dennis shared a really cool thought about how rewards don’t always have to be like bribes. He shared, “It's important to understand that all rewards are not alike-and all rewards are not bribes. The nature, timing, and size of rewards can make a big difference.” If you think about it, there are rewards you can offer a child, such as teaching them the reward is that they will feel good if they do a good deed. Then, there are rewards such as offering the child a toy or some kind of object that if done too often takes away from golden opportunities to teach your child natural rewards for doing good. I never thought about really delving into the natural rewards of being motivated to obey your parents and choose to be motivated to follow their counsel. Natural rewards include good feelings, feeling the spirit, and typically the counsel from the parent has some kind of reward behind it as well.

Ultimately, what I am trying to get at folks is that we have an opportunity to motivate our children in a positive and inspiring way. Let’s do everything that we can do jumpstart their motivation to do good by loving them and helping them understand that by having a positive motivation for doing good, they will naturally see greater joy in their lives.

 

 

“Love as a Source of Motivation and Energy.” Exploring Your Mind, 4 June 2018, exploringyourmind.com/love-as-a-source-of-motivation/.

“What’s the Problem with Bribes?” Dr. Steve Dennis – College Dean of Education & Human Development of BYU-Idaho. file:///C:/Users/Joshua%20D/Downloads/faml120_document_whatsTheProblemWithBribes%20(1).pdf